apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
