Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
