Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
