There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize