my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
