Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
