why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and she was petting her beer can
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
