he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
