i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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