Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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