the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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