I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
