We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
