You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
