did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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