i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
