she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
