Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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