remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
