i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
