he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
