I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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