The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
