I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
