Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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