Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
