I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
