I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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