why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
operation harelip BJ is a go
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
