yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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