I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize