Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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