the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
