My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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