I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
