Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
