he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ttyl tear gas
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
