I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
