Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
