Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
