ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
