I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
