Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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