Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
