I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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