jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
