the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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