yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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