i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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