speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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