you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
