Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize