Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
