i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
