69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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