Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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