Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
