I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
