enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Houston, we have a squirter
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
