Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
