ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
