I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
