But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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