there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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