No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
