This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
