Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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