either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize