Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
