I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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