I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
