high people should be assigned attendants
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
