If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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