well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A bitchslap is in order.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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