lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
