Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
