Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
