So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize