Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
