You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
