I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize