thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
