oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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