after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
