By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
