You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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